Up until recently I haven’t done much cooking where I had to handle raw chicken. Normally I just use the frozen Tyson’s chicken tenders or frozen chicken breasts. This way I have been able to avoid handling the chicken, which is good because it’s really kinda slimy and gross.
But, I decided recently that some skin on, bone in chicken breasts might not be all that bad. They definitely have more flavor and aren’t as dry as the frozen stuff. But, that meant having to handle chicken and that also meant dealing with the fear of contaminating the entire neighborhood.
To hear them tell it on TV raw chicken is the most dangerous thing in the world after Islamo-fascism. Exposure to even a teeny-weeny bit of raw chicken can render one completely incapacitated and kill you in a matter of seconds. Kind of like being forced to listen to Lindsay Lohan’s CD.
So, I decided not to take any chances. I got a special plastic board to use for the chicken. The chicken breasts came in packs of four so I needed to wrap them individually which meant handling them in some way. Something that I don’t really enjoy.
Oh sure, I enjoy handing breasts. Quite a bit in fact. Just not raw chicken breasts.
Which reminds me .....
Memo to the person in Ft. Walton Beach Florida who made his or her way to my blog four separate times using the following searches:
1. “Giada de Laurentiis naked or topless”
2. “Rachael Ray naked or topless”
3. “Nigella Lawson naked or topless”
4. “Sandra Lee naked or topless”
Sorry I couldn’t be of any help to you. Best of luck on your search, but I don’t think your going to find any of what your looking for. I mean, I haven’t, so I doubt you will.
Anyoodle, I had to wrap each chicken breast up in some tin foil to put it in the freezer. First I put on some safety glasses. I don’t know if they were really necessary, but why take chances, right? Next came the surgical gloves and over them some thick rubber gloves. I used tongs to actually pick up the chicken and place it on the tin foil and then wrapped the chicken up and placed the foil wrapped chicken breasts into zip-lock bags. After I wrapped up each breast I washed my hands vigorously in scalding hot water using anti-bacterial soap and then sprayed them down with Lysol. Of course this left my hands as red as Madonna’s ass on a Saturday night, but I just didn’t want to take any chances.
After I got that part done I took the tongs, the plastic board, the rubber gloves, the surgical gloves and then finally the goggles and placed them into a big zip-lock bag and sealed it. Then I stuffed that bag into a “hazardous waste” bag.
Next I sprayed down the counter with some Formula 409 and cleaned it up. Then I used some Lysol anti-bacterial cleaner on the same area. And then cleaned it up one more time with some really hot water and even more anti-bacterial soap. Then I did the same thing with the sink and the fixtures. I put each of the towels I used into the hazardous waste bag also. I washed my hands one last time and sprayed them and everything else in the kitchen down with Lysol one more time too. Finally I put the towel I used to dry my hands with into the waste bag and sealed it. Then I took that bag out to the dumpster and set it on fire.
I hope I’ve done enough to keep myself and everyone else in my building safe.
Jul 6, 2008
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55 Cynical Comments:
Are you saying you're "chicken" about chicken? Ha, ha - I crack myself up!
J.
I was #1? Wahoo! I am giddy with the excitement and the POWER, the absolute POWER!!! Muwahaha!!!
J.
Would it really ruin your day if I told you ground beef was far more dangerous than chicken ever hoped to be??
I'm just glad that you don't handle strippers like that any more. You've come a long way.
I don't know what this means, but when I was pregnant, chicken grossed me out. Even buffalo wings. I just couldn't deal.
I think the hormones in the chicken will do us in before the little bit of pink when you haven't grilled the BREAST!
Me, I don't eat fish. Even with sushi, I stick with the vegatarian. I have gotten food poisoning from fish so often that I have lost count. And Dana is right; I got it from beef too.
You are hysterical. We don't really dwell on the dangers of raw chicken in this area. The news focuses more on gang killings and carjackings. We all know to wash our hands and use a different knife for the chicken, but that is about it.
I do agree that raw chicken is disgusting to touch!
chicken is nasty to handle but at the same time very juicy and tasty!
Where gloves! I wear them when I pretty much cook anything.. I have a fear of touching to much flour and it making my hands and rings gross!
Okay enough about me! LOL!!! Clorox everything down! and you will live, and yes you were right! I did not want to make anyone jealous of my blog that is why I did not put your pic up! hahahaha!
Luv ya man!
Ne.
I kept waiting to hear you say:"and then I walked into the special pressurized vapor locked room leading to the separate freezer system I had installed the day before...
you kill me jay...humor is so hot.
Hoosiergirl: Can't be taking any chances with chicken. Use your power wisely.
Dan: I'm just going to pretend you never said that. ;-)
Rockdog: I've known a few strippers that needed to be handled like that. Well, except for the burning part. That would be mean.
Enemy: You've had some bad luck. I love fish, but not sushi.
Karen: Well, it's all a matter of what dangers you face most I guess. LOL
Ne: Gloves are a necessity to keep the hands clean if nothing else.
I knew I was right about that! ;-)
Blue: If I ever build a home I'll build a clean room to prepare the chicken in. haha
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeks! I find this post very RAW.
Keshi.
I'm still stuck on redder than Madonna's ass on a Saturday night.
Chicken - the silent killer.
ick - I can't stand touching raw chicken either. I know you're just as likely to get something from a tomato as you are the chicken, but it's still nasty when it's raw.
So whatcha making with the chicken?
LOL - I'll have to share this story with my vegetarian friend, Janet. ;)
AAAh=HAAAAAA! This is the second blog in a row I've read that speaks "me talkie!"
[Yeah, y'all all make fun of me? But secretly? Y'all all want my secrets!!!]
Oh, and as germie phobic as I AM? You CAN save the TOWELS!!! It's called a "bleach bath!!!"
So what if your sinuses and lungs get a little raw from the fumes...but, Hey? We[OK, ME] bleach and lysol and pine sol EVERYTHING [our kids were born with immunity] LOL!!!!
Who needs an epidural when they can shoot you full of "decontaminates"!!!
[Ohhh, maybe that's why my kids are super heros] Hmmm.
Keshi: That's the way I like it. Raw! ;-)
Lisa: Well, you know she gets a little kinky on Saturday nights!
Avitable: I'm sure that's the title to an Oprah episode.
Fiwa: I know! It's just so gross! Basically I've just made some baked chicken. LOL ;-)
Scarlet: Ha! I could never be a vegetarian, no matter how dangerous it is to handle meat.
Farmers*Wife: I'm a bit of a germaphobe myself. I don't quite go so far as to bleach the towels though. Maybe I should? ;-)
If you start collecting cats, I'm calling Public Heath.
I am with you Jay... I am kinda skeezed out about raw chicken too.
Do you need me to come and paint your apartment? It never hurts to be little extra cautious.
I have always been grossed out by the way chicken feels. I am glad I am not alone in this.
Hope your baked chicken came out good...I love chicken and could eat it everyday!
LOL @ the Modonna statement!
Have a great day Jay!
Hugs,
Kimmie
Your dedication to Public Service Announcemments is selfless. Cheers Jay!!
I think you better move. You've contaminated the whole apt now.
I'm trying not to eat much chicken because according to the book "Eat right for your blood type" (I'm B+) it will cause me to gain weight. I'm supposed to eat goat, lamb, and rabbit...I'd rather be a vegetarian. But, I will cut back on the ck.
Oh, gee. I usually cook frozen chicken tenderloins, but once in a while I'll get the raw stuff, because the skin holds flour better for frying. (don't tell my doctor.) But when I cook the raw chicken, I'll rinse the chicken off under running water, just use a paper towel to sop up the worst stuff, and use the dishrag that's been in a dishpan of hot soapy water to wipe off the counter and wash my hands in. If I'm in a germophobic mood, I'll wipe the counter with bleach and soak the dishrag in bleach...after supper and washing the dishes, in which case it's like closing the barn door after the horses have escaped. And I'm still alive and Mom and Spot are still alive. Sometimes you just gotta live dangerously, eh? Hey, I don't have many thrills in my life, I gotta take 'em where I find 'em.
Oh yeah, I lick the spoon after mixing batter, even though we've been warned not to do that because of salmonella in raw egg. Some habits you just can't break.
Should have used Formula 410. It's a little stronger, but there's no doubt the evil chicken germs are gone...along with the rest of your apt! ;)
Are you having tomatoes with the chicken? they're the ones that'll really kill you.
right before I walked out on my ex I rubbed the entire apartment down with raw, red, runny chicken parts.
HOLY CRAP JAY! You didn't wear a face mask? No shower cap either? Why don't you just lick the raw breast and then head to the strip club? So Irresponsible!
Birds. *shudder*
jay you are so funny~~and i think you are safe~~i remember my grandma wringing ckickens necks in the morning and then cooking it for lunch~~different world now isn't it
~~~PLAWYK~~~
I'm chicken when it comes to cooking chicken!
Also, thanks for being a fan of my beadwork on Facebook! You rock! :D
Get. Mental. Help.
Ok, that was pretty hilarious - although I have felt nearly that paranoid sometimes about chicken! And you are totally right about the wired slimy feel...blech!
So wait...you mean it would send you over the edge to know I use no gloves or goggles when i cook chicken and handling it does nothing to gross me out?
I do clean all utensils and counters afterward...
And Dana is correct that ground beef is just as toxic as chicken...
Those nasty chicken germs are the Chicken's Final Revenge.
Be afraid...be very afraid...
Hey have you tried cooking Chitlins yet?
Well I think it's safe to say that if the chicken doesn't kill ya.... the fumes and chemicals in the cleaning supplies will!
Maybe next time you should don a full hazmat suit!
LOL! Jay that was so funny! I feel the same way, I can't stand the feel of raw chicken in my hands. Bleach is your friend when it comes to clean up after chicken.
As for ground beef, just make sure it is cooked. I was never so astounded as when a waitress (in the States) asked how I wanted my burger cooked? UM, all the way through so I don't get e-coli - how the hell else do you cook burgers? *shudder*
Now steak on the other hand...med rare thanks. Gotta be hot all the way through, but if it bleeds all over the plate that's okay.
Sorry, I just grossed out all the vegetarians.
Brad: I'm allergic to cats so that probably won't happen.
Doc: I'm glad I'm not the only normal one. ;-)
Corky: That might not be a bad idea!
Kimmie: I love chicken too. It's very yummy.
Matt-Man: I'm here for people at all times.
AAAAP: I haven't seen any ambulances around here today, so things might be okay.
Janet: I definitely lick the spoon! And the bowl! ;-)
RLL: Do they sell that at Wal-Mart?
Dianne: That's pretty hard core. But, nothing bad would ever happen between us to cause you to do that again. Right? Right? Hello? ;-)
Knight: LOL I forgot about your bird hatred. I bet this whole post skeeved you out!
Charlene: Ha! My grandmother isn't too impressed with all these safety measures people use today either.
Lone Beader: Your beadwork is just amazing!
WNG: I've been told that I need mental health many times. ;-)
Bond: You're taking a HUGE risk dude! hahaha
Susan: Those chickens are pretty vindictive!
Knight: No I haven't. I'm not sure if I should or not.
Leighann: It is a bit difficult to breathe in here. I had to open the windows.
Reb: Yeah, ground beef must be cooked all the way through. Absolutely1
I had issues with chicken thighs the other day; I'm not sure I'll ever eat them again.
I had issues with chicken thighs the other day; I'm not sure I'll ever eat them again.
wow! You seriously gave me visions of the anal retentive chef! I snorted out loud reading that. Chicken is slimy and weird...and you snub your nose to my tofu? ;)
so have you got all the supplies ready for when you have to take it back out of the freezer and then defrost it, hope you remember to defrost it before cooking, you know that that's going to have to happen don't you!!!!!!!
Uh oh, did you at any time handle that hazardous material bag with contents inside while not wearing gloves? Have you got a burial plot? made a will?
I need to get you your very own Hazmat suit for Christmas but I have to have it made special. It needs horn holes out the top.
Pork man, that will kill ya.
Chicken, hell, I use a raw chicken breast as a wrist pad next to my mouse...........
And if you want to talk deadly, let's talk about a public bowl of M&M's.........
That is the best giggle I have had here in Dallas.............Thanks you made me less home sick.
Too funny! I used to be meticulous about washing my chicken before I cooked it. Then I read that it just spreads bacteria and you're better off using it straight from the package. Cool. I always wear disposable gloves. You can never be too careful, as you well know. Ha!
If your careless salmonella mayhem ruins the next stripper week party we have at your apartment complex when you aren't around, I will be so angry.
(ps: I reference a later post in this one because I am traveling backwards in time, don't tell me what happens yesterday please, I wanna be surprised.)
Hoop asks me a dozen times before eating chicken (I'VE made) if it's cooked enough. "How about that? Is that pink?" "No Hoop, that's white." "Oh-kayyyy." It gets so annoying that I've started avoiding making the stuff. :P
I never understood the fuss around handling chicken. I always figured that smart people keep it refrigerated, wash it, and cook it thoroughly.
Everyone else? Well, thank god there's one area in which Darwin still reigns.
This was pretty funny, Jay. :)
On the 4th, I stood by and watched my SIL make 72 (yes, count 'em, 72) burgers by hand. I did not help, although I did hang out and talk to her. And apologized for my squeamishness in handling raw meat of any kind.
Such a wuss I am.
I prefer to buy my chicken in individual frozen portions from Costco. From frozen to cooked, and I don't have to touch it (same with burgers).
This is not good for the budget, however.
Even though I knew nothing would come of it, I still had to try Googling "Giada de Laurentiis naked or topless" and "Nigella Lawson naked or topless".
That's my guy!! I knew I'd laugh my ass off if I came over here tonight!!
Sorry, but I feel compelled to tell you...that the door to your barber shop is probably more contaminated than that chicken...ha ha halol...lol...you're going to think of that next time huh...sorry dude..I had to do it.
That's the way to avoid the cutting board police, babe.
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