Oh man, apparently Senator Ensign wasn’t happy with Gov. Sanford stealing his adulterous spotlight cause he found a way to get himself back into the news. Turns out he paid off his mistress to the tune of $100,000 USD! Well, technically his parents paid her off.
Gee, why would he have the parents pay her off like that for him? Could it possibly be so that no “gifts” would show up on his tax records if and when he decided to run for President in 2012? Nahhhhhhhhhh, he wouldn’t have been thinking about a way to salvage his political ambitions while paying off his mistress. Would he?
My favorite part of this whole story is Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn. Coburn pretty much admitted that he advised Ensign to pay off the mistress and her family to make it all go away. But, he then came back and tried to back away from that. Then he decided that not only won’t he talk about it, but he can’t talk about it because he was giving advice as a doctor to a patient.
But, Coburn is an OB/GYN. So, everyone started snickering and saying things like “What? Did he have a problem with his mangina?” Okay, so I’m the only one who asked that question, but you know lots of people were laughing anyway. So, then Coburn remembered that he is a deacon in his church so he’s now claiming that he was acting as Ensign’s spiritual advisor when he may, or may not have, told Ensign to pay off the mistress. And, since he was a spiritual advisor Coburn says he will “never” talk about this. Not even to the Senate ethics committee. Cause we all know that Jesus is the only ethics committee that he has to answer to.
There’s something pretty funny about a spiritual advisor saying “Dude, just pay the bitch off so this will all go away and you can save your political career. Oh, and be sure to have your parents actually pay the money so it won’t show up on your taxes should you run for President. Don’t forget, Bible study is this Thursday night. Mark Sanford is bringing nachos! Holla!”
But, you know, I was thinking about all the crazy stuff that’s happened over the last few weeks. David Carradine’s rather bizarre death, other celebrity deaths, some expected, some not, political sex scandals and of course Sarah Palin’s weird resignation. Then it was all topped off with the murder of former NFL QB Steve McNair. And I gotta tell you, I really thought I had just about reached my limit with this stuff.
It’s just not all that funny anymore. Well, except for Ensign and Sanford. Those two are going to be funny forever. Mostly because they are going to keep providing all the material for me. But, David Carradine and Steve McNair? Nothing funny about those two tragedies.
Oh sure, I could point out that like all mid-life crisis dudes I fully expect and kind of hope that I meet my end in either a Bangkok hotel room with a couple of Thai hookers or at the hands of my crazy hot 20 year old girlfriend. But, that’s about it.
The McNair story is the worst for me. Again, probably because it’s just piling on now with all the other shit that has happened. But, I hate everything about the story. Steve basically abandoned his wife and four boys for this chick, who eventually killed him and herself. But, worst of all, it now turns out that what apparently finally sent her over the edge was her finding out that McNair had yet another chick on the side that he was about to dump her for!
Now, I’m not making moral judgments here. Anyone who thinks that if I had McNair’s money I wouldn’t be the biggest sugar daddy in town, hasn’t been paying attention around here. And I’m not saying McNair got what he deserved. Not at all. But, I think we can all agree that a married 36 year old man with four kids getting mixed up with a 20 year old girl has a much higher probability of getting four slugs in his chest and head than a guy who doesn’t step out on his wife. I mean, you’re just increasing the odds with each affair. I’m just sayin, members of congress and governors. Just a little warning. Kind of like “Fatal Attraction” should have been.
And it’s not like I’m one of those people who is just shocked … SHOCKED I TELL YA … to find out that someone who everyone thought was a one of the “good guys” was engaging in this kind of behavior. As the name of this blog suggests, I figure just about everyone is capable of anything. But, I just found the whole McNair story to be more than I wanted to hear about. The whole thing is just so sordid and awful.
For some reason when details started leaking about the McNair murder I was like “I just don’t want to hear about this” and for the first time in my life I was refusing to click links and read about all the sordid details and all that shit. I had just reached full capacity on this kind of stuff for right now.
Hell I was all ready to mock the Michael Jackson Memorial the other day on Twitter. I tried to get off a few funnies early, but hell, I just wasn’t into it. Then I started worrying that I was getting all soft and thinking of all this stuff on a human level and shit. You know, thinking about the families of the people in involved and how their lives have been changed so much and all the grief.
Luckily Senator Ensign came along today and I realized that it’s only when people have died that I feel that way. If they’re just fucking stupid and great big hypocrites, then I still have plenty of capacity to mock them. So that made me feel better.
Jul 9, 2009
Cause I Do Shit Like This All The Time ....
Hey guess what? I’m guest posting for someone again. This time I’m posting for the totally awesome Real Live Lesbian! So, if you get a chance head over there and show me some more love. Cause I totally deserve it. Or something like that.
Okay, I’ve got a little story for ya…
I had to recharge the air conditioner in my car the other day. Luckily we had a couple mornings where it was much cooler and less humid than it has been recently and I felt like it was the perfect opportunity to get that done.
As I was about to hook up the coolant stuff (technical term) I decided that my darn sunglasses, combined with the shade and the fact that the hook up thingy (I’ve always heard that chicks are turned on by men who know the technical terms for auto maintenance so I like to use them as often as possible) was in the back of the engine I had to take my sunglasses off to see.
So, I couldn’t put them in pocket cause I was afraid I would damage them. And I couldn’t put them on the ground cause we all know I would step on them. So, I sat them on top of the battery and told myself “Don’t close the hood on those, idiot.”
Yeah, I think you guys all know where this is going.
I got finished charging the air. Replaced the little cap, tossed the empty can of coolant into the trash, checked to make sure the air was blowing cold in the car and then closed the hood and got in the car to drive it around so that the air would get really cold and I could make sure it was charged up enough.
As I was driving through the parking lot I reached over to my right to grab my sunglasses cause it was very bright and realized that I had in fact, closed the hood on my glasses that were sitting on top of the battery. So I pulled over and popped the hood and luckily they were right there where I had left them.
I grabbed my glasses, closed the hood and as I was walking around the car I put them on. When I got into the car I looked over to my left and there were 3 people standing there looking at me. Then they started talking to each other and laughing.
I felt like rolling the window down and saying “What? You never thought about keeping your sunglasses in the engine? It’s very handy.”
Aaand, uh .. that’s pretty much all I’ve got. One of my shortest blog posts ever. But, I do want to leave you with one more reason why you guys should all be on Twitter. Not only do you get all the big news looooong before it hits the cable news channels or the radio or whatever, sometimes awesome celebrities like Katy Perry post a pic of themselves and their pizza in the bathtub…
See, and so many of you keep saying that Twitter has no redeeming social value at all. I think you know how wrong you were about that now, don’t you!
Okay, that’s really all I’ve got. Don’t forget that I’m guest posting over at Real Live Lesbian’s blog today too!
Okay, I’ve got a little story for ya…
I had to recharge the air conditioner in my car the other day. Luckily we had a couple mornings where it was much cooler and less humid than it has been recently and I felt like it was the perfect opportunity to get that done.
As I was about to hook up the coolant stuff (technical term) I decided that my darn sunglasses, combined with the shade and the fact that the hook up thingy (I’ve always heard that chicks are turned on by men who know the technical terms for auto maintenance so I like to use them as often as possible) was in the back of the engine I had to take my sunglasses off to see.
So, I couldn’t put them in pocket cause I was afraid I would damage them. And I couldn’t put them on the ground cause we all know I would step on them. So, I sat them on top of the battery and told myself “Don’t close the hood on those, idiot.”
Yeah, I think you guys all know where this is going.
I got finished charging the air. Replaced the little cap, tossed the empty can of coolant into the trash, checked to make sure the air was blowing cold in the car and then closed the hood and got in the car to drive it around so that the air would get really cold and I could make sure it was charged up enough.
As I was driving through the parking lot I reached over to my right to grab my sunglasses cause it was very bright and realized that I had in fact, closed the hood on my glasses that were sitting on top of the battery. So I pulled over and popped the hood and luckily they were right there where I had left them.
I grabbed my glasses, closed the hood and as I was walking around the car I put them on. When I got into the car I looked over to my left and there were 3 people standing there looking at me. Then they started talking to each other and laughing.
I felt like rolling the window down and saying “What? You never thought about keeping your sunglasses in the engine? It’s very handy.”
Aaand, uh .. that’s pretty much all I’ve got. One of my shortest blog posts ever. But, I do want to leave you with one more reason why you guys should all be on Twitter. Not only do you get all the big news looooong before it hits the cable news channels or the radio or whatever, sometimes awesome celebrities like Katy Perry post a pic of themselves and their pizza in the bathtub…
See, and so many of you keep saying that Twitter has no redeeming social value at all. I think you know how wrong you were about that now, don’t you!
Okay, that’s really all I’ve got. Don’t forget that I’m guest posting over at Real Live Lesbian’s blog today too!
Labels:
Katy Perry
Jul 6, 2009
Happy Blues ...
WWC.
(click for a link to see everyone who plays regularly)
Brought to us by the always happy Tink of Pickled Beef. This weeks words are Blue and Happy.
Blue skies and waters …
A Blue label on a beer that makes me happy…
Is it a law that all handicap parking signs have to be blue?
Cooking meat on the grill makes me happy…
It makes Cosette happy to “attack” people…
Or to gut her little duck…
Hell, she’s just a happy puppy in general…
(click for a link to see everyone who plays regularly)
Brought to us by the always happy Tink of Pickled Beef. This weeks words are Blue and Happy.
Blue skies and waters …
A Blue label on a beer that makes me happy…
Is it a law that all handicap parking signs have to be blue?
Cooking meat on the grill makes me happy…
It makes Cosette happy to “attack” people…
Or to gut her little duck…
Hell, she’s just a happy puppy in general…
Labels:
WWC
Jul 2, 2009
Thursday Thirteen (plus a few more) Books ...
Okay, so I’ve seen this meme done a few times around the ‘hood and on Facebook so I thought I would do it too. I don’t remember exactly who all has done this and where I stole from. I do know that Knight did it. And since I like to stalk Knight I probably swiped it from her.
Anyway, there are some pretty vague rules that I also don’t really remember, but the gist of the whole thing is you are to tell everyone 15 (or so) books that really stuck with you or made an impression on you or whatever. Not “changed your life” books, but books that you loved or hated and they stuck with you cause you loved or hated them. Or something like that. Oh and you’re not supposed to spend a lot of time on it. Yeah, I do remember that. Just real quick like come up with 15 books that have stuck with you for whatever reason.
So here they are, in no particular order…
A Time to Kill – John Grisham
North Dallas Forty – Peter Gent
In Cold Blood – Truman Capote
A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
On the Road – Jack Kerouac
Private Parts – Howard Stern
Clear and Present Danger – Tom Clancy
To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
Assassination Vacation - Sarah Vowell
The Picture of Dorian Gray – Oscar Wilde
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – Hunter S. Thompson
Notes From a Small Island – Bill Bryson
Catcher in the Rye – J. D. Salinger
Ana Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
A Parliament of Whores – P. J. O’Rourke
In the Electric Mist of the Confederate Dead – James Lee Burke
The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
As I Lay Dying – William Faulkner *
Profiles in Courage – John F. Kennedy
Shoot Low Boys, They’re Riding Shetland Ponies – Lewis Grizzard
Misquoting Jesus – Bart Ehrman
D-Day/Citizen Soldiers/Undaunted Courage – Stephen Ambrose **
A Season on the Brink - John Feinstein
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
* Funny how something you hated sooooo much can stick with you, isn’t it?
** Just couldn’t decide which of those three to use, even though I’m sure I read D-Day first. Love Stephen Ambrose.
Okay, so for a lot of these authors, like Grisham, Thompson, Burke, Bryson and some others, I could have used any one of a number of their books. For all of them except Ambrose I went with the first one that I read.
--
Aaaaaaaaand that’s it for me kiddos. I’ve got family in for the 4th of July weekend so I will be gone from the bloggerhood for the most part. I will probably wander and by and comment, but not every day.
So everyone have a wonderful Independence Day. Be safe and remember DO NOT TRY TO RE-LIGHT DUDS!
Anyway, there are some pretty vague rules that I also don’t really remember, but the gist of the whole thing is you are to tell everyone 15 (or so) books that really stuck with you or made an impression on you or whatever. Not “changed your life” books, but books that you loved or hated and they stuck with you cause you loved or hated them. Or something like that. Oh and you’re not supposed to spend a lot of time on it. Yeah, I do remember that. Just real quick like come up with 15 books that have stuck with you for whatever reason.
So here they are, in no particular order…
A Time to Kill – John Grisham
North Dallas Forty – Peter Gent
In Cold Blood – Truman Capote
A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
On the Road – Jack Kerouac
Private Parts – Howard Stern
Clear and Present Danger – Tom Clancy
To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
Assassination Vacation - Sarah Vowell
The Picture of Dorian Gray – Oscar Wilde
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas – Hunter S. Thompson
Notes From a Small Island – Bill Bryson
Catcher in the Rye – J. D. Salinger
Ana Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
A Parliament of Whores – P. J. O’Rourke
In the Electric Mist of the Confederate Dead – James Lee Burke
The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
As I Lay Dying – William Faulkner *
Profiles in Courage – John F. Kennedy
Shoot Low Boys, They’re Riding Shetland Ponies – Lewis Grizzard
Misquoting Jesus – Bart Ehrman
D-Day/Citizen Soldiers/Undaunted Courage – Stephen Ambrose **
A Season on the Brink - John Feinstein
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
* Funny how something you hated sooooo much can stick with you, isn’t it?
** Just couldn’t decide which of those three to use, even though I’m sure I read D-Day first. Love Stephen Ambrose.
Okay, so for a lot of these authors, like Grisham, Thompson, Burke, Bryson and some others, I could have used any one of a number of their books. For all of them except Ambrose I went with the first one that I read.
--
Aaaaaaaaand that’s it for me kiddos. I’ve got family in for the 4th of July weekend so I will be gone from the bloggerhood for the most part. I will probably wander and by and comment, but not every day.
So everyone have a wonderful Independence Day. Be safe and remember DO NOT TRY TO RE-LIGHT DUDS!
Jun 29, 2009
Look Up!
(click for a link to see everyone who plays regularly)
Brought to us by the super duper awesome Tink of Pickled Beef. This weeks words are 6 and Look Up.
You have to look up to see the number six hundred...
A couple of sixes here...
Studio Six Eleven
A six cylinder engine...
If you need to look up a phone number, and you're old skool you can use the phone book...
And if you have the number, but don't know who's it is, and don't know how to use teh Googles, you can look it up in the handy-dandy Names and Numbers...
And I bet you're trying to look up my shorts aren't you. You dirty, dirty girls (and boys)...
Labels:
WWC
Jun 28, 2009
Lots of Kaka ...
And the birthday’s just keep on coming! Here’s a couple I missed over the weekend.
Friday was Fiwa’s birthday and Saturday was Cheryl’s birthday. So happy birthday to both Fiwa and Cheryl!
--
I've been following the events in Iran pretty closely. I have been reading several websites and using a tweetgrid that someone on Fark.com set up to follow different news agencies and people trying to get news out. It's all pretty amazing. And I gotta tell ya. I'm kind of inspired here.
In fact, I'm so inspired by the Iranians struggle for free and fair elections and the right to protest their government that I'm thinking of showing some solidarity. I think I'll go down to the local courthouse and pay a fair and minimal fee for permit that will allow me to go to the governement designated spot at the government designated time and get my free speech on in favor of the Iranian people. Of course I will be sure not to hold up any signs that the local authorities might consider offensive though.
Cause you know they're not free like us. They don't get to just up and say what they think. They have to get the okay from their government to protest and shit.
--
After shocking the soccer world earlier this week by beating world #1 Spain, team USA took Brazil to the brink today in the Confederation Cup in South Africa. US had a 2 - 0 lead at the half, but Brazil was wayyyyyyyyyy too much for us in the second half and came back for the win.
I don't agree with some who said that a USA win would suddenly make soccer relevant in the US, but it would have at least made team USA relevant in international competition.
And, I have to say that South Africa is going to have to ban that fucking horn they love to blow throughout the matches before the World Cup next year.
It's a cheap little plastic horn that makes it sound like there is a massive swarm of killer bees heading our way. And not the funny killer bees like John Belushi or Elliot Gould either. I'm talking about the real killer bees that make this really scary and annoying BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT sound when they're coming at you!
After having to listen to that damn thing all day, I'm suddenly thinking that maybe those fucking thunder sticks that they used to hand out at NBA games weren't so bad. Okay, they were, but still, that horn has got to go!
Also, I got to entertain myself listening to the God-awful announcers talk about Brazil's Ricky Kaka a lot. While it wasn't quite as good as golf sexy talk last week, it was still pretty entertaining for my very juvenile sense of humor:
- "The Great Kaka"
- "He had a hold of Kaka"
- "A big handful of Kaka there"
- "The brilliant Kaka"
- "The very fast Kaka"
- "Very smooth Kaka"
- "A frustrated Kaka"
- "Kaka is blocked"
- "Kaka went down easily"
I guess it's at this point of the post that you are expecting me to post some pic of a hot babe that could in some way be associated with this post. Like maybe a super hot Brazilian beauty? Well, sometimes it's only fair to give the ladies a little eye candy too.
So ladies, I give you ... Wet Kaka:
Friday was Fiwa’s birthday and Saturday was Cheryl’s birthday. So happy birthday to both Fiwa and Cheryl!
--
I've been following the events in Iran pretty closely. I have been reading several websites and using a tweetgrid that someone on Fark.com set up to follow different news agencies and people trying to get news out. It's all pretty amazing. And I gotta tell ya. I'm kind of inspired here.
In fact, I'm so inspired by the Iranians struggle for free and fair elections and the right to protest their government that I'm thinking of showing some solidarity. I think I'll go down to the local courthouse and pay a fair and minimal fee for permit that will allow me to go to the governement designated spot at the government designated time and get my free speech on in favor of the Iranian people. Of course I will be sure not to hold up any signs that the local authorities might consider offensive though.
Cause you know they're not free like us. They don't get to just up and say what they think. They have to get the okay from their government to protest and shit.
--
After shocking the soccer world earlier this week by beating world #1 Spain, team USA took Brazil to the brink today in the Confederation Cup in South Africa. US had a 2 - 0 lead at the half, but Brazil was wayyyyyyyyyy too much for us in the second half and came back for the win.
I don't agree with some who said that a USA win would suddenly make soccer relevant in the US, but it would have at least made team USA relevant in international competition.
And, I have to say that South Africa is going to have to ban that fucking horn they love to blow throughout the matches before the World Cup next year.
It's a cheap little plastic horn that makes it sound like there is a massive swarm of killer bees heading our way. And not the funny killer bees like John Belushi or Elliot Gould either. I'm talking about the real killer bees that make this really scary and annoying BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT sound when they're coming at you!
After having to listen to that damn thing all day, I'm suddenly thinking that maybe those fucking thunder sticks that they used to hand out at NBA games weren't so bad. Okay, they were, but still, that horn has got to go!
Also, I got to entertain myself listening to the God-awful announcers talk about Brazil's Ricky Kaka a lot. While it wasn't quite as good as golf sexy talk last week, it was still pretty entertaining for my very juvenile sense of humor:
- "The Great Kaka"
- "He had a hold of Kaka"
- "A big handful of Kaka there"
- "The brilliant Kaka"
- "The very fast Kaka"
- "Very smooth Kaka"
- "A frustrated Kaka"
- "Kaka is blocked"
- "Kaka went down easily"
I guess it's at this point of the post that you are expecting me to post some pic of a hot babe that could in some way be associated with this post. Like maybe a super hot Brazilian beauty? Well, sometimes it's only fair to give the ladies a little eye candy too.
So ladies, I give you ... Wet Kaka:
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